“I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen.” — A.A. Milne
Sometimes you meet someone and you know they are going to play an important role in your life. Christina Wald is one of those people for me. I met Christina thirteen years ago when she was in charge of the Cincinnati Illustrator lunches. We quickly became friends and before I knew it I was off traveling with her to a travel sketching workshop in Taos. Christina has a way of pushing me to do things that might be out of my comfort zone...but in the best way.
This past year she was asked me to be a guest on her podcast "Sketchy Talk" to talk about my new children's book. Again, I felt out of my comfort zone, but, as usual, it was probably good for me.
We chatted for an hour about all sorts of things and the time flew by. If you are interested in sketching, travel, or art, I highly recommend joining her Patreon. She has illustrated over 60 children's books and is also leading travel workshops around the world that you can see here.
For my birthday Christina gave me the above sketch framed. And so this year, for her birthday, I decided to make her a linocut portrait of her house.
Sketch
I began making the print by choosing a photo. I usually take my own photos, but I was under a time crunch and ended up using a Google photo of her house. I traced the outlines of her house, eliminating the distracting telephone pole and wires. I also experimented with drawing in the roof tiles, but decided against it in the end. Sometimes, simple is better on a small linocut. In addition, I wasn't sure if I was going to make the print black and white or color. I played with shading the roof shadows in my sketch and it was helpful to think about what I might leave completely black.
Transfer to block
After completing the sketch I transferred my drawing to the Safety-Kut block by simply flipping it over and rubbing the back with a credit card. You can see a video of that process here.
Carving
Once the image was transferred I used my Flexcut v-gouge to carve the design.
Test Print
I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave the grass black or carve it away and paint it green. If I kept the print black and white I was most likely going to leave the grass black.
After I saw the test print I realized I didn't like the way the grass was outlined. I should have left the sides of the grass connected to the edges. That pretty much made my decision to use watercolor for the final print. This is why it is important to do a test print!
Printing
When I went to look for black ink I couldn't find any. What kind of printmaker doesn't have black ink? Luckily I found a very old tin of Gamblin's in the back of my ink drawer. It was hard on the outside...but I was able to find some wet ink by burrowing deep inside the tin.
I printed about half with the black grass and then carved the grass away for the rest. Here they are drying on the studio table. I tried a new wax drier which helped speed the drying time and it worked great!
Watercolor
Once the print was dry I brought it upstairs to watercolor. I am still using the first Winsor and Newton travel watercolor kit I bought twelve years ago on my trip with Christina, although I have had to refill a few of the colors.
Video
One of the things I have discovered about myself is that I love making videos of the process. My favorite part is setting the music to the photos and videos...so turn your volume on!
Framing
I framed the print in an 8 x 8 frame matted to 4x4. It is so satisfying to see it framed. Christina had us over for a fancy hot pot dinner on her birthday. I delivered her gift and I think she and her husband liked it.
"Stick with people who pull the magic out of you." —Unknown
I had not made a print in over a year and it felt good to get back to it. The last twelve months have been difficult. Sometimes it feels like I have been in a free fall...or that things will never return to normal again. In some ways, they won't. But I do know that we are all connected...and the connections we have with others help catch us when we fall. They are like a safety line tied round our waists. I believe these connections can also feed us light and help us shine. I am so thankful to be connected to a lovely web of friends and family. I feel held by these strong cords and you all feel like home.
When I was making the print I thought about leaving the windows dark, like in the photo. But when I imagined Christina and her husband Troy inside, I pictured them as two very bright lights. I made the windows white and liked the idea of my two friends lighting up the whole house, with light pouring out the windows. A big thanks to both of them for their friendship and love. And a heartfelt wish to Christina to have a Happy Birthday and wonderful year filled with travel, art, and friends.
Last week I attended Jeff Carreira’s meditation retreat in Flat Rock, North Carolina. Every day after the morning meditation and breakfast, I went for a walk on the beautiful grounds of Highland Lake Cove.
There was a loop trail that bisected the lake full to the brim with blooming lotus flowers. I took numerous photos of the blooming lotuses and felt the perfection of their presence on the retreat. But it was another plant that I had never seen before that caught my attention.
One day I happened to be strolling slowly next to the lake and I spied something pink in the tangle of plants near the water’s edge. I squatted down to get a closer look and found a vine with a small, multi-tiered flower that reminded me of a pea plant. I took lots of photos and sketched it later that day.
When I googled the photo I learned it was the American Groundnut (Apios americana) …also called Indian potato, potato bean, cinnamon vine, hodo-imo, or hopniss. The North Carolina Extension describes it as “a native perennial vine in the legume family and is found in tidal and non-tidal marshes, wet thickets, stream banks and bottomland forests. It has edible fruits and large edible tubers that provide numerous health benefits. Although the fruit and seeds are edible, it is the tuber that is most desirable but the only place it is cultivated as a food crop is in Japan. The vine can grow 8-16 feet long.” It has been described as a North American equivalent of the South American potato (1). It was cultivated by Native Americans as a staple food source and was also an important food source for the pilgrims (2). Efforts have been made to domesticate the tuber, but the plant doesn’t easily lend itself to this as it may appear far from where it is planted and takes a couple years to produce tubers (1).
One of my favorite things to do when I encounter a new plant is to research its spiritual significance. It seems every plant in the world has a spiritual connection attributed by humans and hopniss is no exception. In 1590 a plant in Virginia was described as,
“Openauk, a kind of root of round form, some of the bigness of walnuts, some far greater, which are found in moist & marish grounds growing many together one by another in ropes, or as though they were fastened with a string. Being boiled or sodden they are very good meat.” (1)
This root was indeed hopniss, or, as the French like to call it, la patate en chapelet, because of its visual resemblance to a rosary (3). There were several historical references by the French to the root which they described as tasting “very good like truffles.” The Jesuits also wrote about the Native Americans eating the tuber “that our French call the rosary” and looking for the tuber when famine threatened, only to find they were already mostly harvested by the native tribes (3). Weirdly, I found this religious reference to the rosary adorable. It made me envision a fairy-tale giant sitting with a potato-string rosary thumbing his potato beads. I was raised Catholic but have never said the rosary. I remember having to memorize certain prayers in the fifth grade and being nervous to recite them. Researching the rosary this week I can see that it is a beautiful practice to commune, ponder the mysteries and quiet the mind, even if it is with a string of potatoes.
The different Native American tribes also called the plant by many different names, including “nu-nu, chicamins, maskoseet, and chiquebi.” Specifically, the root word for the plant in Algonquin was “pen,” and occurred in various forms such as “openauk” (mentioned above) and “penak.” Even the word “Hopniss” can be traced back to this root word: o-pen-niss (2). When I read this, I couldn’t help but chuckle because the retreat was about being an “open” portal to the divine, or consciousness, or universal energy. Magically, the name of the plant I just happened to find while walking at the retreat is a direct reminder to remain open. One of my main takeaways from the retreat was the realization that to be “open” means taking life in whatever form it comes. I may think I prefer vanilla, but if I am utterly open to the moment, a preference for chocolate might arise. I know this is a simple example, but the implications are huge. It also means remaining open even when things don’t go “my way.” This is beautiful in concept, but I have found not always easy in practice. But life offers me daily opportunities to practice and so I do. In hindsight, I have often found that what I thought was “against” me was surprisingly in my best interest. I have even come to the realization that ultimately it is all “for” me, regardless of what I perceive as “good” and “bad.” This deep faith in life has not come easily, but perceiving the world in this way eases suffering when adversity arises. It also helps me remain open to solutions instead of focusing on resistance and frustration.
After reading about the hopniss references, one to the rosary and the other to openness, I pondered both concepts and let them steep for a few days. After stewing, the tangled vine of ingredients melded into one flavor (Hah! I think the word “rosary” was reminding me of “rosemary”! … alas, one should never write while hungry). What arose may very well be the world’s first spiritual poetry about hopniss.
"Drinking the light She grew more lovely every day Her beauty filled the space"
Have you ever had the experience of buying a plant, bringing it home, and placing it the perfect location in the perfect pot? It is exhilarating to me! When we travelled recently to visit our friends in Santa Fe, New Mexico we wanted to buy a gift for our hosts. Originally I wanted to buy flowers, but I couldn't find anything that excited me. We stopped by a plant nursery and found this "Red Congo" philodendron. I wasn't sure about it in the store. But we purchased the philodendron and headed back to the house.
When we arrived, we placed it in a beautiful, thick crock that had been empty on the back porch and then headed out to dinner. Later, I was walking to the kitchen and saw it through the window. I stopped walking because I was struck by its perfection in that spot. The bi-colored leaves and character of the plant seemed to call out to me to notice how incredibly lovely they were. In that moment, I knew I wanted to do a watercolor painting of the whole scene.
"A beautiful plant is like having a friend around the house." — Beth Ditto
When I got home I Photoshopped several photos together to fit the beams and floor into the picture. I also made the plant a little larger as I wanted to imagine what it would look like once it filled the space. Below is a time lapse video of me painting the philodendron in her new home.
Music by moodmode-studio from Pixabay (Fun fact: I originally had piano music for this video, but the leaves on the plant looked like snake heads to me. So I searched for snake charmer music and ended up with this awesome song!)
"The 'Red Congo' is more than just a plant; it's a symbol of life's interconnectedness. As you care for it, you're reminded of your place in the larger ecosystem and the importance of nurturing relationships, not just with plants but with people and the environment." —Source:Greg
This quote reminded me that I would like to thank our hosts for many years of lovely visits to Santa Fe. The homemade bagels, delicious meals, and cozy chats in the library are so appreciated. It feels like home and we feel the love every time we go.
I ordered these notecards with the watercolor scene and they arrived yesterday. I am going to send them on to our friends.
I have been taking a break from doing any large art projects this year. But painting this scene (and our entryway) has been so enjoyable to me. I was thinking about why I like it so much and it is a combination of things. I like being open to being struck by beauty. It happens quite often and I am not able to paint everything that strikes me that way. I have enough inspiration to last me a lifetime. But every so often, it's like an object or a scene calls out and demands to be painted....like they want to "be seen" in all their splendor. I am like a "receiver" and when I come across said beauty it feels like a specific call to my heart. It's like the universe asks, "What does Vanessa love?" It seems to know how to capture my attention. And I love "the seeing" and "the finding." When that connection is made between the object and my attention it feels like that moment when two magnets connect... there is a strong pull and that magic moment when they touch. Once that happens, I feel like it is my task to attempt to re-create the object or scene...to show the world this marvel. Making art is a way of being intimate with the world...a way of being close and spending time with beauty. It is presence, joy and love incarnate. I feel so fortunate to be able to live a life of listening... and even more lucky to attempt to answer its call.
"What will the sketcher see? His eye is accustomed to search into the cause of beauty, and penetrate the minutest parts of loveliness." —John Ruskin
"Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder." – E.B. White
This blog post is a tale of indigo magic. Yes, it is a story of synchronicity... but also of being a willing and ready participant. I think for synchronicity to be realized, one has to be "on the lookout" and have an openness to receiving. How many times have we missed something that was right under our noses? We may never know. But I now have my eyes and ears open. I am a highly visual person, and I sometimes think of myself as "listening intently with my eyes." What am I listening for, you ask? I am listening intently to life... I am fully present and ready for awe and wonder to arise. And it does. Here is one such story.
BOOK INSPIRATION Last December The Mystery School Press published my children’s book, “Little Bird and the Quest for Happiness.” The book is about a Little Bird who travels far and wide on a grand quest looking for happiness. She meets many wise beings and finds more than she expected on her journey through indigo fields, mountains and valleys.
My inspiration to write the book came from my obsession with two things: aphorisms and folk art. The writing was inspired by Jack Kornfield’s “Buddha’s Little Instruction Book.” This is a book of Buddhist proverbs which I have returned to so often the pages are now falling out.
And the inspiration for the art came from a book I got at a library sale many years ago called “Chinese Indigo Batik” by Lu Pu. I have always loved folk art and the book contains page after page of beautiful illustrations of white on blue flowers, birds, plants and repetitive motifs found in traditional Chinese batik. The images are often imaginative, and you can find fish with butterfly wings and birds turning into flowers. Over the years, these gorgeous images have inspired Christmas cards, linocut prints, and most recently, my book.
Linocut carving for a Christmas card of a "bird flower pomegranate"
I also loved Lu Pu's book because navy blue is my favorite color and I have a fascination with traditional craft and handiwork. In the beginning of the book he outlined the process of making the batiks in great detail. He described how the leaves of Polygonum tinctorium (Japanese Indigo) are fermented to make the blue dye. And how beeswax and paraffin wax are applied with special tools to make the design. Then the waxed cloth is put into a vat of dye and the parts covered with the wax remain white. The wax is then removed with boiling water to reveal the white and blue designs.
"Indigo is the color of intuition and perception." – Unknown
I am telling you these details about the book because I loved this book on many levels. It had a major influence on my artwork through the years and my love of the style was the main reason I wrote "Little Bird" in the first place.
SANTA FE, NM Fast forward six months and I found myself travelling to visit family friends in Santa Fe, New Mexico. One of my favorite things to do in Santa Fe is to go shopping. Pre-pandemic I always liked to go to a store called “Traveler’s Market.” This was an antique mall of sorts, but instead of antiques from the US, it had antiques from around the world. The market always had a mystical, otherworldly feel to it and I was always amazed at the diversity of items to be found. So, needless to say, I was very disappointed to find out that the market had closed since the pandemic. I asked the friends we were staying with if it had moved, and they didn’t know. I did a quick internet search to see if I could find any mention of it, and came up empty-handed. One day when I was in town, I stopped at an information booth to see if they knew. The woman didn’t know but phoned someone who said that a few of the booths had moved into a smaller location. I wasn’t sure I would have time to find it and decided to let it go, perhaps for another day.
"It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It’s my partner." ― Jonas Salk
The next day it kept popping up in my mind. So I hunted down the exact address, and my husband and I found our way to a very non-descript old mall. When we entered the building, we discovered a large room with about ten booths filled to the brim with antiquities from around the world. An old man greeted us and we chit-chatted with him for a bit. He told us that maybe a third of the booths had moved to this location and that there was one more room next door. I wandered around the first room admiring the Tibetan jewelry, African carvings, and amazing rugs. To be honest, I was a little disappointed this was all that was left of the Traveler’s Market. But we continued on to the second room. As I entered, I could see one booth had stacks of textiles neatly folded against the wall. They were mostly dark blue. As I got closer, a white-on-blue motif on one of the folded edges caught my eye. I picked up the fabric and spread it out on the table. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I was greeted with white-on-blue fish and bird motifs… in the EXACT same style that inspired my children’s book. This is a VERY specific style that only occurs in the southwest provinces of China. I was blown away.
The woman tending the booths in this room saw me looking at the fabric and came over. I told her that I had just written a children’s book that was inspired by the exact style printed on this fabric. She told me that she was going to call the booth owner and have her come over… that she would love to hear my story because her mother was a children’s book author too. I looked at the price tag and saw it was clearly above what I could pay. I told her not to call, but it was too late. She was already dialing.
Within five minutes a kind-faced woman appeared and introduced herself as Pam. She told me how she had travelled to China to be a school counselor. While there she travelled to remote villages and became interested in the textiles of the area. One day she was invited inside the house where she saw the bed coverings which were decorated with the Chinese batik motifs of birds and fish and butterflies. The locals showed her how they not only wove the fabrics but also used a wax-resist dying technique with indigo to create the designs. Pam became enamored with the textiles and became a collector. In an effort to support this traditional work, she now sells both Miao textiles and silverwork on her website here. Below are a couple of the photos she shared.
Applying the traditional wax design before dyeing. Photo credit: Pam Najdowski
Guizhou province (where my textile came from) Photo credit: Pam Najdowski
We chatted for some time, and it was fun to meet someone else interested and so knowledgeable in this obscure style. After a while I thanked her but told her I could not afford to purchase her fabric. She told me she would sell it to me for half the price marked. I told her I would think about it.
"There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen." – Rumi
As I pondered whether or not to buy the fabric, I couldn’t help but appreciate the strange coincidence. What are the chances that this folk-printed fabric from the Miao region of China would come into the hands of a woman from Cincinnati, Ohio who had just been inspired to create a children’s book in that style? When I think about this, I am in awe at how the universe works. But at the same time, I believe I am an active participant in this magic. I like to live on the constant lookout for beauty. I am like a great blue heron standing exquisitely still with my feet in the water. I am always waiting and watching… poised and ready for a juicy fish to swim by… ready to gobble it up.
And gobble it up I did. The day before we flew out, I returned to the store and am now the proud owner of an authentic wax-resist indigo-dyed Chinese batik made in the hills of Guizhou province. That fish sprouted wings and flew back to Ohio with me.
Fish sprouting wings
This gorgeous textile now resides on my piano and is a reminder to always be on the lookout for the miraculous… a reminder of the magic of my own indigo intuition.
“Look at a tree, a flower, a plant [a cat]. Let your awareness rest upon it. How still they are, how deeply rooted in ‘just being’. Allow nature to teach you stillness.” ― Eckhart Tolle
This illustration came about because we got new couches a while back. I used to sit on the couch that faced the back of the house...but when the new couches arrived, the smaller couch needed to face the front of the house to allow passage to the back of the room. And George didn't like the feel or the width of the smaller green couch, so we traded places. Every time I sat on the couch I would look at the front door from this exact vantage point. I often admired the composition. I love the way the table juts out perfectly above the little stool by the front door...and the way the round mirror fills the space and references the round light fixture. The whole scene brings me joy. But when Bubo hopped up on to the table, he took the composition to a whole new level of WOW! The way his paw hung over the edge was too cute and I knew I had to draw it.
I began by taking a photo. Once Bubo realized I wanted a photo, he hopped down. But I had patience and knew he would be back. A couple days later I was rewarded and got my shot. I adjusted a few minor details in Photoshop and then traced a pencil sketch from the printed photo. I then used carbon paper to transfer my pencil sketch onto watercolor paper. I often make little changes to the composition before I ink the final drawing. After I have the ink drawing done, it is time to paint! This video shows the process of adding paint and colored pencil. (Turn on the sound!)
(Music by Aleksey Chistilin from Pixabay)
"The quieter you become, the more you hear." ―Ram Dass
I love Eckhart Tolle's quote above about learning from nature how to be rooted in being and stillness. And I can see the question might arise, why be still? From a practical standpoint, I think Bubo and Ram Dass would agree, "The quieter you become, the more you hear." And I would add, "the more you see." Being still allows a feeling of calmness to descend. Once settled, we can pause to reflect on which way we would like to go once we enter movement again. It helps us see our path clearly. Or we can simply be present to the world in front of us. Being still allowed me to notice the composition of the room I was sitting in and to be in awe at its perfection.
"I quaked in awe for the most ordinary things." ―Henry Shukman
"All that is required to realize the Self is to 'Be Still.'" ―Ramana Maharshi
Stillness also allows our very presence to come to the foreground. When we sit still, our thoughts also tend to slow down. And even if our thoughts continue to run around, the stillness provides a space to notice that we can observe those thoughts and not get swept away. At times, if we are lucky, we can realize that we are stillness itself. It is a stillness that resides at our very core that can be carried back into life. In truly stressful times that stillness can act as a ballast when things get rocky. Lest we end on too serious a note, I would like to return to Bubo. I once saw Bubo go from what appeared to be sleep, to having a lizard hanging out of his mouth in less than five seconds. When we have a balance we can move seamlessly between stillness and movement...and that is the dance of life.
"In order to understand the dance one must be still.
And in order to truly understand stillness one must dance.”
“Most of the time, the universe speaks to us very quietly… in pockets of
silence, in coincidences, in nature, in forgotten memories, in the shape of
clouds, in moments of solitude, in small tugs at our hearts.” — Yumi Sakugawa
Listening with the Heart
I believe the universe speaks to us constantly
in a thousand ways. And as each day of
the retreat went by, I could feel myself becoming more present and open to
receiving her messages. After meditation
one day we had a fifteen-minute break. I
hurried back to the room to use the restroom and noticed a spider in the
sink. I have a deep reverence for
spiders and carefully tried to avoid getting her all wet and went on
my way. On my walk back to the
meditation hall I noticed a large spider web glistening in the sunlight. And when I got back to the hall, I stood
looking out the back window where I noticed, yet another spider web near the
ground. It was lit by the sunlight and
kept flashing in the breeze. I quietly noted
all of these things and sat down to meditate.
Later during the group session we were describing what we sensed in the space
between us. The spider images flashed through
my mind and I hesitated to mention them.
But then I noticed the walls of the meditation hall, which reminded me
of Indra’s net and felt I had to speak up.
I told the group that in my mind’s eye I saw us all caught in a giant
spider web, like the webs made of vines that composed the walls. Just as in Indra’s net, we all felt each other’s
movements and reflected each other’s brilliance. The group picked up on the web theme and ran
with it going this way and that…weaving together lovely images of our shared
experience. Towards the end someone said
they appreciated my connection to nature.
It made me laugh and I said, “Well, I didn’t think this would go over
well, but I also saw in my mind’s eye that SHE (the spider) devoured us all.” The group laughed and several people
commented further about being devoured by love itself. This was just a small example, but I felt the
universe was showing me how it communicates both to me and through me.
“I never wanted a quiet, sensible sort of love. I wanted to be devoured.” – Beau Taplin
Within You is the Light of a Thousand Suns.
Within You is Unimaginable Beauty.
— Robert Adams
Another example occurred the next day when I walked into the meditation hall and noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I happened to see Don, a beautiful, humble man who is an antiques repair person, standing in the middle of the room on top of the mandala inlaid in the floor. He was looking down at it studying the wood, but also feeling the energy of standing in this most auspicious of spaces. It was a quiet and powerful scene. It happened in less than five seconds, but I was awestruck by it.
Later, when the group began our discussion, someone mentioned the mandala in the floor and said they felt the energy of it. I brought up the moment with Don and described it to the group. It was like popcorn. After I said that, someone said each of us should stand in the middle to be seen by the group…and then someone else stood up and had their time in the middle…and then another and another. It was so much fun to see how we all built the space together and it was quite a high feeling. To me, it was a sign that indeed, these “small tugs at our hearts” are the universe communicating to us if we are receptive.
The Still Point of Destruction
One day I had the song, “Love is the Seventh Wave” by Sting in my head. It has great lyrics that were pertinent to what we were talking about in the group. One phrase of the song, in particular, kept repeating in my head. And it was, “At the still point of destruction.” I bring this up because in meditation, probably around the fifth day or so, I had an experience I’ve never had before. I was sitting in meditation and I had a visual come to mind. I saw a “U” shape and there was a ball rolling up one side of the “U” and then down and up the other side. It was a subtle rolling back and forth...until the ball eventually came to a complete rest in the middle…at the still point.
In that moment I felt incredible joy…no movement, no thought, utter stillness. After some time, the thoughts returned and I had the feeling that I was at exactly the right place at the right time. I didn’t want to be anyplace else but where I was. There was a realization that I am almost always rushing around. But "at the still point" there was a complete and utter relaxation into the present moment and a sense of deep contentment.
At the still point of destruction
At the center of the fury All the angels, all the devils All around us, can't you see?
I am so excited to announce that my latest book, Little Bird and the Quest for Happiness, has been published by the Mystery School Press and is now available on Amazon!
INSPIRATION
As it has been over ten years since I started, the very beginnings of this project are a bit hazy. But what is clear looking back is that two books were my main inspiration. I have always loved folk art designs and when I came across a used copy of Lu Pu's book, Chinese Indigo Batik, I was totally obsessed. The book contains page after page of beautiful illustrations of white on blue flowers, birds, plants and repetitive motifs found in traditional Chinese batik. The illustrations are impressive because they have no shading and only rely on flat, strong, gorgeous design to depict their subjects. I knew I wanted to someday do a book in this style.
In addition to folk art, I have also always had an interest in quotes and proverbs. I don't remember when I purchased Jack Kornfield's, Buddha's Little Instruction Book. But through the years the book has had a great impact on me. I found myself returning to the book often...especially when I was struggling with something in my life. Somehow the wisdom contained in just a couple lines of text would have the power to soothe me or to help me take a step back and see things from a different perspective.
"Learn to let go. That is the key to happiness."
— Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book
The last, over-arching idea of this children's book ironically came from struggling to achieve a goal that I thought would make me happy. When one has a goal and attempts to achieve it unsuccessfully month after month, and then year after year, one begins to ask the question, "What happens if I never achieve this goal?" "Can I be happy if I never achieve this goal?" I began to understand that I would be miserable the rest of my life if I depended on external circumstances to make me happy. Ever so slowly, as the months turned into years, I came to a deep and visceral knowing that what I was searching for could not be found by attainment of anything on the "outside."
The goal I was trying to achieve was to have a child. And ironically, instead of birthing a child, I birthed a children's book! That is probably simplifying the situation too much, but it is true that the lack of a child put me on a spiritual path and began an incredibly prolific and creative period in my life (and also gave me the precious time for both). I had no idea when I began this journey, the magic and gifts that lay ahead of me. I discovered, to my surprise, an imperturbable presence and inner light so loving that there are not words. And what I was looking for had been within me the whole time! This was my original theme for the book, although other themes also emerged.
Looking back on it now, it appears the book was birthed by combining my three passions: my love for folk art, Buddhist quotes, and my own quest for happiness.
"“Each of us is born with a treasure, an essence, a seed of quiescent potential, secreted for safekeeping in the center of our being."
— Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft
ILLUSTRATIONS
I began working on this book in 2011, and it is now the end of 2023. There were definitely times when I didn't know if it would come to fruition. I looked back at the original files from 2011 and it jogged my memory a bit. It reminded me that I began illustrating the book and had done two very detailed pages when my hard drive crashed. All I had was a print out of the first page. I took me two years to have the stomach to start over again. So in 2013 I re-made the first two pages. I also re-designed my main characters, making them more stream-lined. Below you can see early sketches of both Little Bird and Mother Bird.
When I first begin working on a spread, I often do little thumbnail sketches to try out different body positions. Below you can see my thumbnails for the "fish" spread.
After choosing my favorite thumbnail, I do a larger sketch and then scan it into the computer. My sketches are often quite rough and simple at this point. I think my strength lies in my tenacity to keep working on them in Illustrator until I feel the design is perfect. Below you can see my sketch and the finished illustration.
Once all the spreads were finished, I printed them ad nauseum, making edits and changes until I could stand looking at them no more. Here you can see a handful of printouts from my recycle bin. I printed them in black and white so as not to use up all my blue toner.
And a final peek at another one of my favorite spreads..."The Octopus".
COVER
When I had all the spreads completed I began working on the cover design. Working on the cover not only entailed choosing illustrations from the book, but also working on the title font and layout. I experimented A LOT with fonts and title layout. In addition I probably had about twenty options for various illustrations. Below you can see some of the variations.
SUBMITTING FOR PUBLICATION
Once the cover was finished, it was time to start sending the book out to publishers. I looked back at my records and found that I sent my first publisher letter in 2015. I would send out three to four letters and would occasionally get feedback that was positive, but not ultimately a yes. Six to nine months would go by and then I would send out another batch. This went on for years. I remember repeatedly asking the universe to "please find me the perfect publisher!" Earlier this year, I had decided that if I didn't find a publisher in 2023, I was going to self-publish the book in 2024.
Little did I know that when I signed up for a meditation retreat in the mountains of North Carolina, I would find my publisher! The teacher of the retreat, Jeff Carreira, was not only a meditation teacher, but also a philospher, writer, and owner of a publishing company called, "Mystery School Press." I mentioned to him one day that I had a manuscript for a Buddhist themed children's book. I remember asking if he published any children's books and his response was, "No, but send it to me anyway and we will see."
When I returned home after the retreat I sent him the manuscript. A few days later he texted me and said he loved the book and wanted to publish it! I couldn't believe that after 12 years of fits and starts, I found the perfect publisher! So cool to have a book published by "The Mystery School" and so amazing how the timing worked out perfectly! Part of what made me infinitely happy was that I felt he really "got" the book...from playing around with traditional Buddhist themes, to looking inward for answers, to using your gifts. It felt like truly being seen and I thank Jeff and the Mystery School Press for helping me "sing my song!"
Little Bird and the Quest for Happiness is now available on Amazon!
I would also like to thank my husband George for making this book possible in a thousand ways. His love, cooking, patience, proofreading, and generosity have supported this little bird on her long quest. Thank you.
"In every moment the universe is whispering to you. There are messages for you carried on the winds. There is wisdom for you in the morning songs of the birds outside your window and in the soft murmurs of an ebbing sea. Even ordinary, everyday events in your life carry communications from the realm of spirit."
— Denise Linn, The Secret Language of Signs
Some times when you are making art it feels like a little magic is sprinkled here and there. But with this print I felt like the universe went to extraordinary lengths and poured copious magic throughout the whole process. It started with a couple of delightful synchronicities and then packed a wallop of wonder at the end that left me to marvel at the beauty of it all.
This is going to be a long post so pull up a chair, bring a good strong cup of tea, and settle in for a tale of creativity and coincidence.
Inspiration
I always start a blog post by describing my inspiration. This time, I am saving that story for the end because it is quite a doozy! If you can't wait, then skip down to Part II.
PART I - THE PROCESS
Sketch & Transfer
I began my sketch by finding a photo I took of maple helicopters and then sized it appropriately in Photoshop. I then printed it out and traced the outline onto sketch paper. I looked at a thousand images of the Buddha for reference and then drew the face, hand and "robes" into the outline of the helicopter. Once I liked that image, I flipped it over and traced it onto another piece of paper.
I wanted the left and right sides to be similar, but not exactly the same. I mainly changed the folds in the "robes" to be a little different.
Once I had both left and right sides drawn, I flipped both over and rubbed the backside to transfer the images to the Safety-kut plate.
Carving
I then carved the plates using Flexcut v-gouge chisels.
I was carving during December and it was so cold in my studio, I moved into the center storage room in our basement. Otus thought it was weird, but kept me good company.
Test Print
Once the plate was carved I did a test print with a stamp pad. It is a quick and easy way to get a preview of the print.
This video shows me using the stamp pad to ink the plate and pull a quick print. Turn your volume on!
Synchronicity
The night before I pulled the test print I was in the TV room and saw the cats on the couch together sleeping. They had a terrible fight last year and had to be kept apart for six months. So when I saw them sleeping so close, I took a photo.
The next day I pulled the test print and took lots of pictures of the process. That evening I went upstairs, and right next to each other in my photo feed was this!
I could hardly believe the coincidence...two orange Buddhas in each photo! And their body positions were so similar! It felt like a wink from the universe.
"Every time I have become aware of a synchronicity experience, I have had an accompanying feeling that some grace came along with it."
— Jean Shinoda Bolen in Coincidence or Destiny by Phil Cousineau
Printing
After printing the test print I made some minor adjustments to the plate. I widened the eye and hand lines a bit. Sometimes the lines can close up when using the real ink, and it is better to take care of it before printing.
This video shows me inking the plate with Charbonnel gold etching ink and printing on three different kinds of paper.
I really liked the way the tissue paper printed. The wrinkles in the paper gave the effect of aged Buddhas. I printed the dark brown background on the tissue paper before-hand in my chin collé class at Tiger Lily Press.
I bought the papyrus paper shown below at Plaza Art store. The paper was very thick and I really liked the texture.
I didn't think there was enough contrast between the print and the papyrus paper so I watercolored the paper with dark brown. I still haven't done anything yet with the papyrus Buddhas, but I think they will embroider nicely.
Of all three papers, the "Mesquite" banana paper was the most smooth. So I thought it would be wise to try the embroidery with it first.
Below you can see the banana paper cut out and photographed. These were some of my favorite photos of the whole process.
"Life itself is alive...and wise beyond our comprehension."
—Vanessa Sorensen
Making Holes
Once I had my cut-out Buddha seeds I was ready to figure out the embroidery holes. I scanned the Buddha seeds into the computer and figured out where every hole should be using Illustrator. Here you can see the Illustrator file before I printed it onto a transparency.
Once I had the transparency ready, I taped the seeds down exactly where I wanted them on my paper. I then lined the transparency up perfectly and taped it down.
Once everything was lined up and taped down, I hammered the holes with an awl. This photo shows the holes nicely.
Sewing
Once all the holes were punched, it was time to sew!
I finally had to buy readers for all this embroidery work. They took a little getting used to, but helped a ton.
Below you can see the embroidery on the robes was almost done.
Beadwork
I was so excited to find these gold Heishi beads.
I bought three sizes of beads so it took me a little bit of play to figure out how I would place them. I really liked the below photo of the beads. It appeared to me like magic rising off the Buddha's head.
I wasn't sure how I was going to attach the Heishi beads and did a couple tests. I experimented using both gold seed beads and knots to hold them on. In the end I chose the seed beads.
I bought so many beads for this project that I had to buy a bead organizer!
Synchronicity
“Synchronicity is an inexplicable and profoundly meaningful coincidence that stirs the soul and offers a glimpse of one’s destiny.” – Phil Cousineau
In September 2022 I started a six month "Deeper Callings" course with Marilyn Hardy. The course was about "living a rich embodied life with a soul-infused purpose." The course met two times per month and I was in the middle of the course when I began making the Buddha seeds.
We had assigned reading and/or videos. One night when I was sewing the Heishi beads onto the Buddhas, I was listening to a video of Jonathan Gustin interviewing Adyashanti. I had just run out of embroidery floss and had to cut a new piece to thread the needle, when I heard Jonathan say:
"Once we find this golden thread of destiny and we're holding onto it, we never feel lost. Wherever we go, we know what it is we are there to do."
I was literally holding onto a golden thread right at that moment! It gave me the chills and again I felt like the universe was winking at me.
I absolutely loved the course I took with Marilyn. I think taking a course like that helps one orient to the process of self-discovery. I certainly didn't expect to find my life purpose in a six month course. But I did have the realization that, "There is no one better suited to this job than me" ("this job" meaning my current botanical print/embroidery work).
Video
This video includes scanning the print, figuring out the holes using Illustrator, hammering the holes, and sewing the robes and beads.
Finished Print
Below is the final print!
Once I finished the print I photographed it in several different locations and the lighting differences made quite a difference. When I took photos upstairs by the window, the beads appeared to glow.
And when I took photos outside the beads were more muted and the threads were emphasized more.
Above is outside and below is inside.
The photo below is one of my favorites.
Framed Print
I framed the Buddha seeds before the other embroidered prints and made all the color choices (frame and mat) based on them. I liked how the seeds stood out against the lighter frame.
Show
Below is a photo of the print next to its label at my first solo show "Faith In A Seed" at the Weavers Guild.
PART II
Inspiration
In December 2022 I took a class on chin collé at Tiger Lily Press and needed a subject. I had previously made work with the maple helicopter as the subject and knew I had more ideas for them than I had time to make. So one day I gathered all my photos of them and, sure enough, there was a motherload of inspiration. I had also agreed to do the show for the Weaver’s Guild and was hoping to have a subject on which I could both chin collé and embroider.
The over-arching idea I wanted to convey was the “miraculousness” of this seed pod. This elegant structure allows a tiny embryo of a tree to be safely carried to the ground using a single wing that spins on its way to the earth. With a little wind, the shape of the wing helps the seed to travel far enough away from the mother tree to find a good place to sprout. I recently met a NASA engineer who studied the aerodynamics of this structure to understand how it works.
For most of my life I have not been particularly interested in religion. If you had asked me what my religion was, I would have quoted the Dalai Lama and said my religion was kindness, with a particular reverence for nature. Nowadays I am still not overly interested in formal religion, but I am open to all forms of the divine, however they might present themselves. And lately I am sensing that there is a deep mystery hidden most everywhere... from maple helicopter to milkweed seeds. One might call it divine, God, or Buddha-nature. Whatever the case, I wanted to express this exquisite nature in my piece.
“The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.”
― Oscar Wilde
So I started thinking about how to portray the extraordinary nature of this seed pod. My first thought was to make slightly larger-than-life "helicopters" (seen to the left) and put the Virgin of Guadalupe into the seed head portion of it. I even went so far as to purchase tiny beads with the Virgin of Guadalupe on them that I thought I would sew into the printed piece. (I ended up using them for the "Milkweed" print). But after cutting out the helicopter shapes, I thought everything was too small…and I am not one to work small.
I went back to my photos to look for another option. When I saw the photo of just two maple helicopters I realized I could make the seeds larger and have more room for something in the "head" area. I Googled, “symbols of the divine” and when I saw the Buddha I knew he was my subject right away. At first I thought I might be able to fit a tiny Buddha in a lotus position in the top portion. Then it dawned on me that the circles of Buddha’s hair would be wonderful as a large texture, and I decided to put just the Buddha's face in the seed area.
Abhaya
When I started sketching, my intent was to have the Buddha’s head be the “seed” portion of the maple helicopter and the lower portion would be the typical “helicopter” wing. But when I was drawing it, I realized the lines of the wing looked like robes and it occurred to me I could add a hand. And the hand could be in a typical mudra position in which the Buddha is often portrayed. A mudra is a symbolic gesture, mainly of the hands. When I looked at images of the Buddha, I liked the mudra where he is simply holding his hand up. I researched this mudra and discovered the name is “Abhaya.” Apparently, when it is done with the right hand it signifies “fearlessness”. That really resonated with me because lately I have been trying to be more aware of my fears and to see how they affect my life.
When I flipped the image to make the right Buddha, I realized the left hand would be raised. So I looked into what it means if the left hand is raised in “Abhaya” and found that it means “dispelling family arguments.” That also had a strong resonance for me as I have struggled mightily in that area.
After reading all of this I decided I should name the piece “Abhaya.” But as I was carving the piece and looked at both the left and right hand sides, the term “Buddha-Nature” also kept popping into my head. I liked that term for several reasons. First, I thought it would be nice to have a two-word name for the double image. Second, I liked that it is a simple description of combining the Buddha image with nature (the maple helicopter). Third, I liked that it referenced my original idea for the piece…that is, that the divine can be found everywhere…that every single thing has a Buddha-nature.
Tathagatagarbha - Mega Synchronicity
I decided to Google “Buddha Nature” and discovered there is a Sanskrit term for it called “Tathagatagarbha.” And when I saw the translations/descriptions for this word I was floored! Here are a few of my favorites:
1) The Sanskrit tathāgata-garbha more precisely means “having a tathāgata [= buddha] within. (Source)
2) Tathagatagarbha can be translated as “Buddha-Nature,” “Buddha-Womb, “ or “Buddha Embryo.” (Source)
3) “The tathagatagarbha is even regarded at times as a fully formed Buddha sitting cross-legged in the lotus position in each one of us. It is described variously as a seed, embryo, matrix, potentiality for becoming a Buddha… it is the potential in every sentient being to attain Buddhahood (to become a Buddha) because she or he has a tathagatagarbha within them as their essence, core, or essential inner nature. (Source)
4) An embryo that should become a Buddha, or the 'womb' where the Buddha-to-be is carried. (Source)
I loved the synchronicity that my image contains two embryonic seed Buddhas. And what blew my mind even further was that when I was making the print, I consciously created a womb-shape between the two seeds. I thought it would be a hidden element in the piece that only I knew about. So when I read that "Tathagatagharbha" could be translated as "Buddha-womb," I was utterly amazed. How could this centuries-old term seemed to fit so perfectly?!
When I read further about the term, I learned that nine similes have traditionally been used to help people understand what it means. And one of the similes describes “Tathgatagarbha” as:
"a sprout that has the potential to grow into a huge tree
that will offer shade for many people on a hot day"
— Dalai Lama, 14th, and Thubten Chodron. Saṃsāra, Nirvāṇa, and Buddha Nature (Source)
The more I read, the more I was blown away by how closely this term fit my piece.
"The Śrimālā Sutra identifies... 'the tathagatagarbha with the dharmakaya, the Buddha’s celestial body that pervades all things in the universe.'"
"…for Dogen, it is insufficient to say that all sentient beings have the Buddha-nature (or indeed contain a tathagatagarbha). From his perspective, the phrase ‘sentient being’ refers to everything in the universe and everything in the universe is Buddha-nature. All beings, sentient and insentient, literally are Buddha-nature. Dogen says: ‘Grass, trees, and lands are mind; thus they are sentient beings. Because they are sentient beings they are Buddha-nature. Sun, moon, and stars are mind; thus they are sentient beings; thus they are Buddha-nature.”
"For Dogen... Buddha-nature is not an essence ‘hidden’ in things, ...but the vast world of phenomena, of Reality itself.”
Somehow this term even captured my original idea for making this piece, which was to convey the idea that the miraculous, or divine, or God, or Buddha pervades everything everywhere.
For all of the above reasons I named the piece, "Tathagatagarbha." When I think about it, I still can't believe that this Sanskrit word from the late 2nd century describes my piece on every layer of meaning I could imagine. I bow down to the universe for this "MEGA SYNCHRONICITY"!
Dream
About a week after I wrote the above section about “tathagatagarbha” I had the following dream:
I dreamt I was pulling the arms/reins of a giant wooden ricksaw cart full of people. And not only that, but I had to pull the rickshaw down an ancient, steep spiral staircase. At first I thought it would be impossible, but then I just pulled on the arms/reins and the rickshaw easily followed right behind me. It didn’t even tip over when going down the stairs. It was so easy that I got too far in front of it and then noticed the reins were slack. I knew the cart was probably stuck some ways back. I couldn’t even see it! I started to climb back up the stairs but the stairs were broken and were vertically almost a bodies-width apart. I had to jump and catch onto the stair above and pull myself up with my arms. On one step I was holding on by my fingers and struggling to pull myself up but was unable. Finally, I had to let go.
In my free fall I noticed an extra thin wire, like a guitar string but smooth, hanging down from somewhere in the darkness. I grabbed onto it, and it swung me around and slowed my fall. I then was able to grab another, and it also swung me around like Tarzan. Eventually I was plunked down to sit perfectly on some type of plant that was saddle-shaped. After realizing my good fortune, I eventually made my way to the bottom of the stairs. As I took the last steps I looked over through lots of hanging wire strings to see a group of young Zen masters playing a game where their movements created the most exquisite music I’ve ever heard (kind of like that beat boxing monk on YouTube I like). Someone approached me and said, “Welcome. Congratulations. You have made it.” I said I was only there by accident. As they were packing up, one of the music monks said, “No, you were meant to be here. We have been waiting for you.” They packed up and left.
Another monk appeared. He walked over to the bottom step and said, “Here is a token of your accomplishment.” He then handed me what I thought was a stone sculpture of a small hand. But when I took it into my hand, it was soft and fleshy. And it was perfectly rounded where the wrist/arm connection would be. It was so cute and soft. I laid it down and it “relaxed” slightly. He handed me another one. And then I woke up.
Wood Carving Synchronicity
During this time period, so many synchronicities were happening that I decided to research the subject. I came across a book called, "Sidewalk Oracles: Playing with Signs, Symbols, and Synchronicity in Everyday Life" by Robert Moss. I greatly enjoyed the book which had numerous suggestions for how to create moments of synchronicity in your life. One of his suggestions for keeping a synchronistic moment "alive" was to keep the image or symbol of the event around you so that you see it everyday.
Then, one day while searching for beads on Etsy I had entered "Carved Wooden Buddha Beads" into the search bar. As I scrolled down, I was amazed to see a wooden carving of a hand with a Buddha carved in it. It was dark brown and reminded me so much of my "Hand" dream described above. I really wanted to buy it but was afraid it would be expensive. When I clicked on it I was happily surprised to see it was $50. I couldn't believe my luck!
For a week or so I pondered if I should buy it. Then I finally purchased it when buying beads for the prints. A couple weeks later a package arrived in the mail. I knew what it was and excitedly cut the box open. When I unwrapped the paper around the carving and finally pulled it out I was happy and sad at the same moment. I loved the carving of the Buddha in the hand. But the color was a very light wood stain...maybe even unstained (but polyurethaned). I really had my heart set on a dark brown hand and that was what the Etsy photo had shown.
I never do this, but I decided to send a message to the owner of the Etsy store. I messaged him and told him I was disappointed with the color and wanted to return it. He wrote back that maybe his photo was a little dark. I had done a quick search about how to change the stain color of wood that was already polyurethaned. I found a suggestion that you could use a gel stain over polyurethane. I told the Etsy owner that I could possibly try that method. He replied that if I really wanted, he could make me a new one and send it to me unstained. I was so happy and told him I would love that!
As I packaged the light-colored hand to send back to him I decided to write the Etsy owner a note. I told him I didn't know if he knew this, but that the hand represented fearlessness. I wrote that I hardly ever ask people to re-do things if I am not happy with them for fear they would reject my request. But that his response to re-make the carving had reinforced in me the idea to be fearless...to let my needs be known. I thanked him and sent the package on its way.
A week or so later I received a message through Etsy from the store owner. He said that my new hand was on its way. He thanked me for my note and said he included a second Buddha hand as a gift. I nearly fell off my chair when I read that! It so mimicked my dream!
I have since stained my new Buddha hand and it is hanging at the bottom of the stairs to remind me to be fearless everyday. I gave the other to a dear friend.
Conclusion
As I look back at everything that happened I am overwhelmed by the mystery of it all. At times I am so awestruck that I can hardly wrap my head around it. I don't know what it means. But I do know that every time one of these synchronicities happened, it gave me great joy.
Lest someone read this and think things are always "super-Polyanna" over here, I do feel the need to mention that the time period when all this was happening was quite a roller coaster ride. Basically from December to April when I was making the new embroidered work for my show, I was barely able to keep my head above water. A lovely coincidence would happen and then I found out my husband had Covid. Another amazing event would happen and then I found out the majority of my prints stored in the basement were ruined by foxing. I could go on and on. It was a really intense time.
Things have slowed down a bit lately in all departments, and I am more than OK with it. But I still like to ponder what it all means. These experiences give me the sense that everything is interconnected. If everything is ONE thing, then why wouldn't ONE conspire to bring about these moments of delight? It would be like leaving bread crumbs on a trail to oneself. Every crumb is pure joy and we are thrilled to have another clue. But then the mystery only deepens. What is all this and where am I heading? Of course, we don't really know. However, I am left with a feeling of reassurance. And I am also left with a strong urge to keep my eyes and ears open. I imagine using every sense I have to find another tidbit. I am ready to run when I catch the scent. I imagine myself a fearless gobbler of morsels ever-hungry for more.
But I suppose a more apt metaphor for this post would be that we are all sprouts transformed by sun, water, earth and moon. Hardships are endured. But with each drop of water and every ray of sun, we grow. We grow through storm, drought, exquisite moonlit nights, and spring rains... the smell of damp earth almost too lovely to bear. All come and go bearing gifts of transformation. Until one day we realize we are no longer a sprout but a great tree providing shade on a hot day. We realize we are the tree, the water, the sun and moon, the shade, the sky and all the spaces in-between.
“Margo always loved mysteries.
And in everything that came afterward,
I could never stop thinking
that maybe she loved mysteries so much
that she became one.” —John Green, Paper Towns
The "Tathagatagarbha" print is now available at NessyPress.com.
ADDENDUM
Something happened the night I finished this post that is so weird it seriously blows my mind. I was looking up the source links for my Tathagatagarbha definitions and I saw this:
The reason why it caught my attention is that, as I briefly mentioned above, I have been dealing with "foxing" now for six months. It has been a huge presence in my life! I had a terrible discovery in February that many of my prints had been ruined by "foxing"! This was not a small thing that happened. I was devastated and have been working closely with a paper conservator to figure out how to treat my prints. I just treated another print this week. It is a labor intensive process and I will be dealing with foxing for some time.
So, as you might guess, when I see that word I pay attention. After I saw that reference, I Googled "Tathagatagarbha and foxing" and found this quote:
"Another Yogacara innovation is the concept of the tathagatagarbha, or the “womb of the Buddha,” also called Foxing (pronounced “fo-shing”) or “Buddha Nature,” by the Chinese." (Source)
So apparently, foxing means "Buddha-nature!" OMG! My mind is officially blown! So weird.
And to add a cherry on top, last night I told George there was one more synchronicity that I wasn't including in the post because it was getting too long. When I was reading Robert Moss's book, Sidewalk Oracles, there was a chapter called "Fox Tales." It caught my attention because I had just discovered the "foxing" issue with my prints. I took this photo because, at the time, it gave me a sliver of solace when dealing with my new wily friend.
Transfer to block
Carving
Test Print
After I saw the test print I realized I didn't like the way the grass was outlined. I should have left the sides of the grass connected to the edges. That pretty much made my decision to use watercolor for the final print. This is why it is important to do a test print!
I printed about half with the black grass and then carved the grass away for the rest. Here they are drying on the studio table. I tried a new wax drier which helped speed the drying time and it worked great!
Watercolor
