Faith In A Seed: Solo Exhibition

FAITH IN A SEED

At the end of April I opened my first solo, "Faith In A Seed," at the Weavers Guild of Cincinnati.  The day was truly magical.

When I arrived the exhibition committee was busy setting up the food which was not only beautiful but delicious!

THE TALK

When I walked out to give my talk and saw my friends and family filling the room to capacity, it made me want to cry.  I felt so supported in that moment and I want to thank every person who came out.  I truly felt the love!

I was both nervous and excited to give my talk.  I haven't had to speak in public in a long time and was a bit rusty.  I planned my talk so that I could ease into it by reading this wonderful quote that encapsulated the whole theme of my talk.

I then moved on to my first question, "Why embroider paper?"  The short answer to that question was that Barbara Moss, the head of the Exhibition Committee, contacted me last September and asked me if I wanted to have a solo show.  I, of course, answered, "Yes."  She then said they had seen a piece I had embroidered into at the Kennedy Heights Arts Center a year ago and "could I make new work that would have embroidery?"  I said yes and that is the short answer to why I made five new pieces with embroidery.

But I have long been interested in combining different materials in my work.  And when I looked back I could see the roots of this in cards that I had embroidered for my family for various occasions.  The brown and pink Valentine's Day card at the top shows how I was starting to become interested specifically in how printed paper can interact with embroidery.  Plus, I had to admit, I just think it looks cool!

I also told a short story that while in college in the 90s I was employed at Cox Arboretum in Dayton.  And one of my first assignments on the job was to pick a quote and put it on the bulletin board.  I remember choosing the quote below and I think it has been working on my psyche ever since!

I believe that my whole life has indeed changed from noticing the miracle of a single flower, acorn cap, or seed pod.  In the talk I described how this idea of finding the miraculous in the mundane has been a theme that has pervaded my work from day one until the present... and is indeed the purpose behind all of my work.

The next portion of the talk was describing the process I went through to make the new embroidered work.  I used the "Buddha Seeds" as my example and showed videos of each step.  I am going to write a blog post about each piece, so if you are interested in the process, it is coming soon!

ARTIST STATEMENT

During my talk I described how each piece took me on quite a journey.  There were amazing highs and some real low points.  But every single time I learned something more about myself.  Even while working on my artist statement for the show I had a major epiphany.  I had written the bulk of the statement a couple weeks prior to the show and in it I kept using metaphors related to seeds.  I described how a seed was planted in me and how that seed grew and produced flowers and fruit.

The last week before the show I kept fussing with the wording of my artist statement.  I would think I was finished and would save the "final" jpg and send it off to the committee chair.  Not only that, but I would print it out and mount it to foam core for the show.  I probably did it five times thinking I was finished (and had to go buy more foam core!)  But days before the show I had a major realization that I had to include in the final sentence.  Here is the statement in its entirety (see below image for legible words).

"It is not lost on me that my favorite subjects (plants and their seed pods) are symbols of fertility.  And that my artistic journey began ten years ago after my struggle with infertility.  When I look back on that now I don’t think it is a coincidence.  My “descent” into infertility was a very real walk into the darkness.  Sometimes the path was excruciatingly painful.  Spending years in the dark, you get to know it well.  I was desperate to end my suffering and coming from an academic background I asked myself, “Who knows about suffering?”  In my mind, the answer was “The Buddhists do!”  I threw myself into studying suffering and how to end it.  I read book after book.  What I didn’t know then was that a seed was planted in that darkness…a seed that began to grow.

I wouldn’t have put it this way at the time, but my lack of fertility success gave me the gift of time.  It allowed me to investigate my interest in three things: spirituality, plants, and printmaking.  My intense study of suffering/healing/self-help eventually led me to a meditation retreat that changed my life.  I sat for days in the darkness of my closed eyelids.  And through some miracle of fate, I found something in that darkness that was so achingly beautiful I am forever and profoundly altered.  Sitting in that dark, rich silence I discovered a light in me that I never knew existed and to this day brings tears to my eyes. When I returned home, I quit all my paying jobs and very soon began working on my printmaking full-time. 

I became obsessed with plants, particularly the structure of seed pods.  I would go on long walks and would stumble across an acorn cap or dried seed pod.  I loved photographing them.  Often when I would get home and look at the photos close-up, I would be left in awe.  Their forms are miraculous and yet we all walk by them every day and don’t even notice!  I knew I wanted to enlarge the images and make prints to draw attention to their incredible beauty. 

And every single print I made took me on quite a journey.  Printmaking is a long, drawn-out process for me.  I would spend a week on the sketch, a month on the carving, and depending on the number of colors, another one to four weeks printing.  Each print would offer up unique challenges.  By the time the final print was pulled, I would know each plant’s curves, nooks, and crannies intimately.  When I completed each print, I would finally sit down to write the blog post.  And I could see the plant and the print were my greatest teachers.  As I was working on the “Chinese Lantern” image of a seed in its spherical “cage” I found it was teaching me about having good, protective boundaries.  Or when I would have a rough day printing, I learned about self-care, tenacity, and the balance between the two.  And when making design decisions I learned to listen to my intuition.  I would often find interesting connections and synchronicities that I could not have imagined existed.  One time I was working on a print of a seed pod to represent Women’s Suffrage.  I selected an image of a pod online to use as a reference and later found it was from a “She Oak” tree (that became the title of the piece). Or I would put the image of the Buddha on a seed husk and find out there is a centuries old term that describes it perfectly (Tathagatagharbha!). 

When I was asked to create new work for the Weavers Guild show with embroidery, I loved the challenge.  At first, I focused on finding plants that might naturally lend themselves to adding threads.  And then I realized another theme was presenting itself.  To convey the idea that one can find the miraculous in the mundane, I started incorporating “mystical” elements into the pieces.  Whether you call it magic, the divine, the mystery, Buddha-nature, God, or simply life, there is something astonishing happening here!  In every leaf, petal, seed and flower it is there!  Indeed, the more I look, the more I find!  It is my hope the viewer senses the magic woven into these pieces…and recognizes this golden thread that surrounds and connects us all.

Ten years ago a seed was planted in the darkness.  It wasn’t the seed I wanted or expected.  But the seed has grown, flowered and produced fruit.  It has taken me on a journey from, “This is the worst thing that ever happened to me... to the best thing.”  I am so very thankful for this exact journey and grateful I don’t control everything.  I can see now that creativity comes from emptiness, that my suffering led to inexplicable joy, and that “the design” is created by both light and dark.  I have learned to have faith in life itself... and I have learned to have faith in a seed.  I finally realized, that seed is me...that seed is me."

 

“I have great faith in a seed.

Convince me that you have a seed there,

and I am prepared to expect wonders.”

— Henry David Thoreau

I was a bit anxious about sharing all of that with everyone.  But for some reason I feel compelled to start making my outside look more like my inside.  It is a scary thing to be so vulnerable, but I think this life is about trying to be "me" to the fullest extent I can.  A bird is singing right now outside my window, and it makes me think that we all have our unique song and we are all deeply longing to sing.

PHOTOS OF SHOW

Tathagatagargha

I was so enjoying myself talking to everyone at the show that I completely forgot to take pictures!  So most of these photos are from family and friends (thank you Mark, Mary, Dad, Jenny, Katie's Mom, and George).

Milkweed, Columbine

Passionflower, Teasel

I plan on featuring each new piece in a blog post and will be adding them to my website with each blog post.

Barbara, the exhibition chair, asked me if I had any frame holders to hold my cards up.  I looked around the house and couldn't find any.  But then I found the perfect card holder in these old seed pods and it made me weirdly happy.

 

All the prints in this post are now available on my website, NessyPress.com.

THANK YOU

A big thank you to the Weavers Guild for hosting the show and asking me to go on this journey.  I also want to thank Jenny Thacker for loaning me her "She Oak" print at the last minute and for being such a supportive friend.  My Dad also loaned me his "Weaver" print for the show.  He not only loaned me his truck to transport it, but he wrapped it up so well it was like Ft. Knox trying to open it! Thank you for your love and support Dad!  I also want to thank my Mom who is my biggest supporter.  My Mom owns more prints of mine than anyone else in the world and she has no more wall space in her house!  Thank you Mom!

I also wanted to especially thank those who purchased prints.  It made me feel like all that hard work was worth it and literally helps support me and the work. 

And finally I want to thank my husband George without whom none of this work would not be possible.  He also kept me VERY well fed throughout the months and put up with A LOT of, "I need your opinion or help or shoulder to cry on."  His patience, encouragement, and love has helped water, nurture and tend this seed that is me and I couldn't have a better partner on this crazy journey.  Thank you.    

Macramé Wreaths

“Do anything, but let it produce joy.” – Walt Whitman

Instead of printing Christmas cards this year I decided to take a break and try something new.  I thought I would make my family macramé wreaths and ornaments.  I watched quite a few YouTube videos before I found the one I liked best.  If you would like to make this ornament here is the link to my favorite instructional video.  

I altered the video instructions just a bit and used #5 macramé thread on a 2.7 inch wood ring.  I then cut fifteen 14 inch pieces, plus one 26 inch piece for the holding cord.  

A good life is like a weaving. Energy is created in the tension. The struggle, the pull and tug are everything.

— Joan Erikson

  Here is a timelapse video of the process:

As you can see below, the first one I made was not perfect, but I got better at it as I went along.

After making a handful of the wreath ornaments I got ambitious and thought I would try a bigger wreath.  I again watched A LOT of wreath making tutorials and found this one that I liked the best.

I altered the "recipe" of the video a bit because my ring was smaller than hers.  I used a 6 inch hoop and cut thirty-five 44 inch pieces of thread (7 cords for 5 sets).  I also used #6 thread. Here you can see me starting the wreath by attaching my threads to the hoop.  

When the wreath was finished I wanted to take a photo with something in it to show the scale.  Otus volunteered to help out with that.

"The world is bound in secret knots."  —  Athanasius Kircher

For the first wreath I used unpainted beads because I thought my Mom would like the subtle tones.  For the second one I made for my Dad I used red wooden beads.  Here you can see my makeshift setup.  I just happened to have a physical therapy band handy and it worked to hold the wreath as I knotted each set.

Below you can see both front and back.

I learned so much from making these wreaths and it brings me joy just looking at them.  I have always loved wreath/donut shapes.  I not only like the beauty of the wreath itself, but I also think it is a celebration of the empty space in the middle.  It is a contrast of cacophonous joy surrounding peaceful space and silence.  I hope your holiday season is filled with both joy and peace, and I send each and every one of you a warm hug from Nessy!

Love weaves itself from hundreds of threads.

—David Levithan

2022 In the Garden

"Build pockets of stillness into your life."

―Maria Popova

I don't normally do a blog post about the garden, but this year I made some big changes so I thought a post was in order.  As I sat down to write, it occurred to me the seeds of this project were planted 13 years ago!  When we added a screen porch to the back of our house, the man who laid the pavers underneath asked us what we wanted to do with the extra dirt.  I distinctly remember him asking, "Do you want us to haul the dirt away or put it in a mound in your back yard?"  I recall looking over at George and my next door neighbor John and they said... "Oh, just put it in the back yard...maybe we can use it for something someday." 

“Because of what you have done, things will happen later which can't possibly be foreseen.”

― Iris Murdoch

Well, that mound of dirt sat there for 13 years! Finally, last fall I decided to take some action.  For two days I attacked the mound with a shovel and simply flung the dirt as far as I could.  Did I hurt my back?  Yes.  Am I happy the mound is finally gone?  YES!  When my back told me I was done moving dirt, a low circle remained.  At first I was irritated, but then it occurred to me I could build a low stone wall around it.  It was late fall when this occurred to me...probably too late to complete the stone project, but not too late to plant a rhododendron. 

"The first gesture of an architect is to draw a perimeter;
in other words, to separate the microclimate from the macro space outside.
This in itself is a sacred act." — Mario Botta

LOW STONE WALL

This spring I was happy the rhododendron survived the winter and George and I started the project.  After harvesting all the "extra" stone from around our yard I realized we needed a couple more rows.  My Dad came down with his truck and we made a trip to Creech's Ohio Valley Stone.  The next day George and I built the wall.  Below you can see the wall and the rhododendron.      

Later that week I had a wonderful time at Natorp's buying shade plants.  I bought Jacob's Ladder, Lady's Mantle, shade Phlox, Mukdenia, ferns, and a hosta.

Below you can see the final wall with all the plantings.

“Sometimes since I’ve been in the garden I’ve looked up through the trees at the sky and I have had a strange feeling of being happy as if something was pushing and drawing in my chest and making me breathe fast. Magic is always pushing and drawing and making things out of nothing.”
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

And here is the view from the other side before the wall and after.  From this view you can see it is more of a crescent wall that ends as the elevation gets more shallow.

BOULDERS

Last fall we had two large, overgrown bushes removed from the front yard and their absence left two gaping holes in the landscape.  So when I was at the stone store I couldn't help but notice the beautiful selection of boulders.  Again, my Dad brought his truck down and I had a great time selecting bounlers.  I was like a kid in a candy store and the guys at the stone store were so helpful, always happy to oblige me and roll this or that boulder over for inspection.  At one point, I was walking around a giant pile of rocks and the man who was helping me was a native Spanish speaker.  I apologized for taking so long but told him the stones "have to speak to me (tienen que llamarme)."  He didn't miss a beat when he responded, "Yes, of course, they have to speak to your heart. (Por supuesto, tienen que llamar al corazón.)"  After many "conversations" I came home with two beautiful boulders.

"Even a stone, and more easily a flower or a bird, could show you the way back to God, to the Source, to yourself. When you look at it or hold it and let it be without imposing a word of mental label on it, a sense of awe, of wonder, arises within you. Its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you." ― Eckhart Tolle

When we pulled into the driveway we weren't sure how we were going to get them to their new locations.  But we were able to use to two old, sturdy boards to shimmy them down from the truck and roll them into their new homes.

PLANTER

When we first bought our house we ignored the side yard for a good three years.  When I finally turned my attention to it, you couldn't even walk from the front to the back yard due to the weeds that towered overhead.  Once we cleared those weeds, I realized there was an underlayer of day lilies.  We have spent the last twenty years trying to dig them up.  They still appear and I still try and dig them.  It is a gardening ritual that will probably last as long as we own the house.  I have always had a vision for this side yard that included some sort of focal point in the middle.  I envisioned a boulder fountain, or a bird bath, or a large pot. 

I like to be open to what solution might present itself.  And this year I happened to visit Grandma's Garden's in Waynesville when I noticed this incredible stone planter.  The intricate relief designs reminded me of Mayan carvings.  I kept circling the display of planters, but that one pot kept calling me back to it... like "mi corazón" had ears .  I think I saw it in May or June and didn't buy it because I thought it was a little pricey.  But I kept thinking about that pot for a month and that's how I knew it was meant to be.

In July I met my Mom at Grandma's and I was nervous it would be gone.  But I was so happy when I saw she was still in there in all her glorious detail.  My Mom generously purchased it (and a load of plants to fill it) for me as an early birthday present and I am so in love with it.  Thank you Mom!  And thank you for always being a model of generosity and giving in my life.  I strive to be more like you in this way.

I know not many people will walk around my side yard.  But you can also see it when you look over the side porch.  It made me happy every day to stand on the side porch and water it over the edge. 

It was about finding the sacred within myself, my center, my peaceful core. We each have a sacred space within us, a part of us. This sacred space is a temple, a temple to our inner power, our intuition, and our connection with the divine. Discovery of psychic powers, spells, and meditation are all things that lead us to the temple. They help us find the road within and walk our path to the inner temple.

— Christopher Penczak

I had to include a photo of this planter on the opposite side of the house.  It was such a prolific bloomer this year you couldn't even see the pot. 

PAGODA

The pagoda was another new addition to the yard this year.  Towards the middle of July I met my Mom and Dad at Aquatic and Garden Decor.  I knew I wanted to buy some sort of pagoda and they had quite a selection, but nothing exactly called out to me.  Both my parents purchased items and as we were leaving I noticed half of the parking lot was filled with pallets of assorted statues and fountains.  I wasn't sure these were even for sale, but I meandered over just to take a gander when I spied this pagoda. 

It was sitting in four pieces and I asked the man working there if he could put it together.  When he finished placing the final piece on top I was struck by its "adorableness."  But I still wanted to see what Grandma's might have to offer also.  So I took a photo and we left to go on to Grandma's and that's when I got the stone planter mentioned above.  Once I got the stone planter home and in place, I still couldn't get this adorable pagoda out of my mind.  Or maybe I should say it kept tugging at my heart, "llamando a mi corazón."  It seemed like such an extravagance to add yet another new garden feature, but I decided to treat myself to an early birthday gift.  

My Dad helped me dig up the old, slightly odd garden ornament that sat in this spot for at least twenty years.  We had no idea that old ornament went down two feet!  

But it was worth it because I love how this pagoda welcomes everyone who enters the yard or pulls in the driveway with its cheery presence.

“Portals must have guardians.”

― William Richard Lethaby, Architecture, Mysticism and Myth

DRY CREEK BED

After George and I built the low stone wall I spent a fair amount of time watering the new plants in my newly created circle.  One day I noticed there was a natural pathway between the new wall and the hydrangeas.  I thought about what I could plant there, but it occurred to me that I don't need any more plants!... especially way back in the yard where it is hard to water!  So I came up with the idea to put in a dry creek bed.  I was inspired by my favorite section of landscaping on Xavier's campus where they use stones to create a simple pathway.

At first I thought it was just one of those ideas that pops into my head that is too hard to enact.  I actually contacted a landscaping company, but they never got back to me.  I don't know when it happened or whose idea it was, but at some point my Dad and I thought we would give it a go ourselves. 

At the very end of July George was going to be out-of-town visiting family and my Dad agreed to come stay with me for a long weekend.  Right before George left he attempted to dig out the worst of the big roots and sapling trees.  But my Dad and I still spent the entire first day clearing, clearing, clearing the pathway as best we could.  Below is a photo after our first day.   

The next day I was so excited to go back to the stone store.  The same nice man recognized us and showed us all of our options.  My favorite stone was the Colorado river rocks.  The only problem was they only had "large" and "small" sizes available that day.  He wasn't sure when the "medium" size would be in...it could be a day or a month...they never knew.  I was disappointed, but was determined to proceed.  After all, my Dad was here to help with his truck and I wasn't sure when all the stars would align again.  I also wasn't sure exactly what sizes we needed.  Plus I love big rocks and figured the bigger the better.  So I bought half a pallets worth of the large rocks and figured we would return to buy the smaller ones once we finished laying the large.  It turned out my Dad's truck could only hold half my purchase of the large rocks.  So they loaded us up with half my purchase and off we went, slowly, slowly driving home with our heavy load.

When we got home and unloaded the large rocks I started to freak out a little on the inside.  I could tell they were a bit large for the space.  But this is not something I could have know without actually placing them down!  Below you can see they looked a little odd!

I was having an additional freak out because there was a sign at the cash register of the stone store that said, "All purchases are final."  As we drove back to the stone store I was starting to really freak out.  I didn't want any more large rocks!  When I arrived back at the stone store I walked into the little hut where you pay and nervously asked if I could trade out the rest of my large rock purchase for small rocks.  Luckily they were very nice and let me exchange the large rocks for small.  Phew!  I was so relieved!!!  Below you can see Poppy and me unloading the small rocks from the back of his truck.

"One who can move mountains starts with the little stones."

— Confucius

I was also extremely relieved to see the small rocks greatly improved the look of the creek bed and made it look more natural.  Below you can see us exhausted, but happy at the end of a very long day of hauling stone.

When I look at this selfie we took at the end of the day it brings me so much joy.  My Dad is an amazing person.  I can't even put into words how much his steady, kind, and loving presence means to me.  He is always there...no matter what. We didn't know it at the time we took this photo, but life held some challenges in the coming weeks that made this stone pathway look like child's play.  And again my Dad was there....always there by my side.   I can hardly even keep typing because I am tearing up with so much gratitude and love. Thank you Dad for all your love and support. 

"This is the mark of a really admirable man:
steadfastness in the face of trouble."

— Ludwig van Beethoven 

THE BUDDHA

The final addition to this year's garden was the Buddha.  I know this is a statue and by their very nature statue's are steadfast.  But when I water the plants and peer down through the leaves, I am reminded of my own unwavering, immovable, and abiding nature and I am filled with peace.

I have also noticed that there is a lovely, timeless quality about a statue Buddha sitting next to a stone river.  In one sense, nothing moves or changes, yet everything around is in constant motion.

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you."

— Deepak Chopra

As I look back at all the changes that took place in the garden this year I am struck by the sacredness of this space.  Every change...the stone wall, the boulders, the planter, the pagoda, the stone river, and the Buddha...make the garden a little more of a reflection of me.  And I believe that by making these changes in the external environment, that my internal environment is altered.  By creating the sacred outside, I am creating the sacred inside.  This is true not only because I was transformed by the experience of enacting these changes, but also because everything is "inside" of our consciousness.  I believe the sacred can be exchanged in both directions...it is a two way street.  By being still and listening, we can hear the call of our hearts. That can then inspire us to give and receive gifts outwardly...which then inspires us with gratitude to go inward and the journey goes on and on.  It is a constant dance between action and inaction, movement and stillness, song and silence.

"Among my stillness was a pounding heart."

―Shannon A. Thompson

I am excited to see how the seasons will change the appearance of the garden.  And the Buddha reminds me to remain steady within this world of constant change...this play of joy and sorrow. 

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait...So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing."

— T.S. Eliot