Last weekend we traveled to Cassadaga, NY to visit my mother-in-law. My sister and her two boys, plus my sister-in-law, also came to meet us there. The first night there, a friend came over and suggested we visit a place called Point Gratiot. He said there were cliffs and that it was a pretty beach to visit along Lake Erie. So the next day we drove twenty minutes north to find it.
"Pretty" was an understatement. I LOVED it! It was the highlight of the trip for me. I not only love the beach, but I am crazy about smooth rocks. Plus, one of my favorite things to photograph are repetitive nature textures. I was in heaven!
Below you can see some of the various textures I came across while exploring the beach.
The park was especially interesting from a geological standpoint because
it did indeed have cliffs. But the cliffs were no ordinary
cliffs...they were composed of layer upon layer of shale.
Here is a short video of the cliffs and the sunset (sorry I went a little too fast over the water...I hope you don't get sea sick).
While looking for quotes for this post I googled "wabi-sabi" and discovered a new Japanese aesthetic concept. I have always loved the idea of finding beauty in the aged and worn (wabi-sabi). But I had never come across the term of "Shibui." According to Wikipedia, "Shibui" is "an enriched, subdued appearance or experience of intrinsically fine
quality with economy of form, line, and effort, producing a timeless
tranquility." The image below particularly struck me as an example of this aesthetic.
We enjoyed the beach so much we went back the next day so some of the photos are bright and sunny and some are overcast. It was beautiful either way.
I searched and searched for a quote for the image below but finally gave up and wrote a short poem for it. This photo shows a nice close-up of the shale cliffs.
I love it when life throws you a bone (or a stone) and you stumble upon something so amazing by chance. Or maybe it isn't really by chance and we are all connected...pulling each other this way and that.
I am so excited to finally share that I have a new studio space for my printmaking! We started this basement remodeling project with our contractor back in May and it has been a very long road. I have been incommunicado for six months because I have been completely consumed by this project. Below you can see a few photos of the front and back rooms.
You may or may not be able to tell that this room used to be a garage. The previous owners of our house had converted the garage by adding a subfloor and a door and windows where the garage door once was (see above).
The whole project started because I wanted to do two things: 1) get new flooring and 2) paint the walls. As you can see in the photo below we had old, cracked linoleum tile that we replaced with luxury vinyl tile. I spent A LOT of time researching flooring options and I finally decided to go with a waterproof luxury vinyl tile by AquaLok flooring in the color "Longhouse." We bought our flooring from ProSource and had a great experience.
It is amazing what new flooring can do for a room!
A very close second was COREtec Plus's "Walden Ash" shown in the middle below. I fretted A LOT about this choice.
The second thing I wanted besides the flooring was to paint the walls. A neighbor of our who lives down the street is a mason and he very kindly came over one day and I asked him what product I could use to paint our crumbling stucco walls. He told us we should NEVER paint the walls because they needed to breathe and that it would be better to build walls in front of them. So the scope of the project was greatly expanded to included new walls. Below you can see a before and after of our old and new walls plus some process shots.
The other major change to the basement besides flooring and walls was that we added a closet and cabinets. When the contractor first came to give me an estimate he suggested that we add a closet on the right-hand side to match the jut-out on the left side so that we could then put a cabinet between the two. I loved this idea and also thought we could add shelving that matches the rest of the house. Again, I spent A LOT of time looking at cabinets and ended up going with Martha Stewart cabinets from Home Depot. As an extra splurge we added a soapstone countertop. We hope to one day redo our kitchen and thought this would be a good way to test soapstone to see if we liked it. If you are interested in soapstone I highly recommend The Stone Studio. They had us out to their studio and we got to see their amazing house and soapstone kitchen countertops.
I used to have pants that had sayings sewn into the seams and one of the sayings was "Enjoy the Rough Road." I should have tattooed that saying to my eyelids so I could see it every day of this project. This project stressed me to my limits. Every single day the contractors were here I was greeted with fairly large errors that were time-consuming to fix. Ceilings were painted before scraping loose paint, walls were built before fixing the plumbing, framing was built crooked and too short to accommodate cabinets, floor moulding was installed broken and with blunt cuts instead of miter cuts, shelves were hung too low but were glued to the wall...the list could go on and on.
And what does a people-pleasing perfectionist girl do when she walks into the room and sees a glaring problem? She freaks out on the inside and it puts her in a very tight spot. She is squeezed between wanting to appear "nice" and her own needs of wanting things done properly. Anger and self-doubt dance a jig round and round the mind. It truly is a very tough spot and was excruciating.
In the beginning of the project the best I could do was send stern emails listing the issues one after the other. Midway through I had improved enough to see a problem and gently point it out the next day. But the by the final day of the project I had improved my skills. I came down the stairs expecting to have a last look around with them. Instead they were packing their things and were clearly hoping not to see me before they left. I looked down and saw the final piece of moulding installed broken and gloppily painted. In real time I looked over and said, "Look at this! This looks shitty!" The poor kid just looked at me in silence. He knew it looked terrible but didn't know what to say or do. He finally blurted out, "Email the boss." And with that they took their leave.
“Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I’m learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude.” ― Eric Allen
I wasn't sure I wanted to get into all of this when I started writing this post. But somehow it seemed false to be all "rainbows and butterflies" about it. The truth is life has a way of giving you exactly what you need. And apparently I needed a new studio and a new voice. I just hope I get good use out of both.
"I need to be startlingly clear. This thing of finding your authentic voice, expressing your blessed weirdness and revealing your soul isn't an elegant process. You don't do it to be cool... It's only real when it is ruthless, relentless and inevitable. But it is also a matter of personal and collective survival. Yes, it's that important. You are that critical." ― Jacob Nordby
A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable.
A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed."
—Jack Kornfield, Buddha's Little Instruction Book
Last week I attended a sculpture workshop in New Mexico led by the amazing sculptor, Roxanne Swentzell. Roxanne Swentzell is one of my all time favorite artists. She is a sculptor of incredibly expressive and curvy figures. The first time I saw her work I think I literally gasped with delight. The body positions and facial expressions of her figures are able to speak without words. Even the perfectly-positioned fingers and toes hold a message. You can see her amazing work on her website here.
The week before the trip I felt a little nervous because I hadn't touched clay in about 15 years. And the last time I attempted a figure was probably in high school when I sculpted a runner that had oogly-googly arms that appeared to be made of jelly and have no bones. But on the first day Roxanne adeptly guided us in the art of making a torso from coils. Each day I frantically worked 8 hours...and slowly but surely "Abierta" came into being.
ABIERTA
"Abierta" means "open" in Spanish and I thought it was the perfect name for my sculpture for several reasons. The first question that everyone asks when they see her is "Why does she have a hole in her middle?" My original idea was that the hole would represent infertility. I wanted a form that expressed acceptance of a condition that I struggled with for many years. But as I worked on her I could feel that it was more than that. I wanted to convey the idea of not just acceptance...but joy and abundance.
"Sometimes the dark moment you're in is, in the end, actually a gift..."—Cory Booker
The infertility set me on a whole different path than I imagined. I became a student of suffering during that intense time of longing. It lasted for years until one day I finally had to surrender. It was a deep and visceral surrender and with it came the understanding that I don't control everything. At some point I had the idea to study Buddhism because they know a lot about suffering and how to end it. I voraciously began to consume Buddhist and spiritual texts. And before I knew it I was off to my first meditation retreat. The story of the retreat is more than I have room to write about here. But in a nutshell I had a life-altering experience that showed me there is more to this world than meets the eye. And when I look back now I can honestly say that my infertility was the greatest gift I could have been given. I learned the value of remaining open to what comes to you.
The "hole" also represents the openness, or nothingness, or the void, that resides in the core of all of us. When I told that to someone at the retreat they said..."How depressing!". But it is actually quite the opposite because "everything" comes from "nothingness." In a sense abundance and nothingness are two sides of a coin. For example, my "lack" of child allowed me to have an abundance of time and experiences that would not have been possible otherwise. I have traveled and meditated and explored graphic design, sculpture, illustration, watercolor, writing, book-making, interior design, photography, etc. The following quote is one of my favorites of all time and sums it up perfectly.
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." —Kahlil Gibran
And I would say if you let it carve long enough, eventually you will find there is nothing but joy.
"We must let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."
—Joseph Campbell
THE PROCESS
The course lasted five days and took place in a wonderful studio owned by Roxanne's uncle. The first day Roxanne showed us how to build our torso using coils. Below you can see I am happily smoothing the inside of my "pot".
The next five days were spent building out the limbs and adding all the yummy details. You can see that all of the limbs are hollow.
Roxanne was an amazing teacher. One night I couldn't sleep because I knew I had made my head too big (step 5 above). When I came in the next morning and told Roxanne, she swiftly got out her knife, cut an orange slice shape out of it and mushed it back together in less than 60 seconds. It would have taken much fretting and time for me to do it. Below is a video showing more of the process.
“We never know what is going to happen, do we? Life is always throwing us this way and that. That’s where the adventure is. Not knowing where you’ll end up or how you’ll fare. It’s all a mystery, and when we say any different, we’re just lying to ourselves. Tell me, when have you felt most alive?”—Eowyn Ivey, The Snow Child
THE CLASS
The class was composed of 10 women and 2 men and I loved each and every one of them. I have also never taken a class where everyone was as intense and serious about the work as I was. I so enjoyed that we were all ardently working but able to chit chat at the same time. There was such a lovely sense of comradery that I wish I could have at home.
Below you can see my eleven compadres and our sculptures.
ROXANNE
I know I have already gushed about Roxanne's work, but I really cannot say enough. There is such a tenderness and gentleness about her figures. And I couldn't believe that she was able to sculpt this form so quickly. She barely had twenty minutes each day in between helping us to make this whole figure.
And I am not even mentioning that her personality is every bit as
beautiful as her figures. She had a lovely, humble way of helping and pointing out when we were going astray. She was always constantly monitoring us in
case we were getting in a bind. One day I needed help with my smile and had been struggling to get it just right. I wanted it subtle but it was basically non-existent. Roxanne came over and adeptly showed me how to push the corners of the mouth back in less than 10 seconds. She knew exactly what I was going for. I have never worked with someone before who is such a complete and utter master of their material. If
you ever get the chance to work with such a master, take it!
Notice the intricate way the fingers interact with the toes on this sculpture, not to mention the difficult body position!
OPEN-NESS
Although I had to leave Abierta behind to dry and get fired, I will certainly bring home her spirit of openness. I have a tendency to try and control every little thing, but life keeps trying to show me how to relax my grip a bit. During my voracious consumption of spiritual material I came across this story about "openings" that spoke straight to my heart:
"There is an ancient story from China that makes all this very clear. It stems from the way traps were set for monkeys. A coconut was hollowed out through an opening that was cut to the size of a monkey's open hand. Rice was then placed in the carved-out fruit which was left in the path of the monkeys. Sooner or later, a hungry monkey would smell the rice and reach its hand in. But once fisting the rice, its hand could no longer fit back out through the opening. The monkeys that were caught were those who would not let go of the rice.
As long as the monkey maintained its grip on the rice, it was a prisoner of its own making. The trap worked because the monkey's hunger was the master of its reach. The lesson for us is profound. We need to always ask ourselves, What is our rice and what is keeping us from opening our grip and letting go?"—Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
"The purpose of life is not to be safe. It is to be open. To be dedicated to the truth, to the joy as it streams through your life. Because if you are not, then no matter what you have, you will always want more, you will be forever hungry. And if you are, than no matter what happens, you will one day discover that it is you who you have been hungering for. It has been you, not the food you eat, the clothes you buy, the people you love, the money you make. For lifetimes, for eons, for as long as it takes for a mountain to become a mountain, it has always been you. You are the feast. You."—Geneen Roth
My friend came to visit last week and the weather was so good we sat on the porch for days and played with watercolors. There were a few last sketches I had wanted to do from Guatemala and Ixcacao was one of them. When I was in Guatemala we went to the Chocolate Museum and there was a statue that I fell in love with. At the time I didn't even know her name, but I was struck by the voluptuous cacao pods all over her body. When I looked her up I found out she used to walk those who were being sacrificed to the top of the pyramid where she held their hands while they took their last drink. The chocolate drink helped give them enough strength to overcome their fear of death. If you are interested in her story you can read more about her here.
The image above is the whole sketch in my sketchbook. When I was at the chocolate museum I bought some chocolate jam and the bag had their cute logo on it. I liked it so much I tore it off to put in my sketchbook.
Below is a drawing I did of a fruit vendor in Antigua. I thought the tile-roofed carts were adorable.
My friend Joan on the trip made everyone copies of this wonderful list by Keri Smith about "How To Be An Explorer of the World". Another friend I met on the trip, Rosemary, gave me the Japanese envelope you see below and Joan's list fit perfectly inside. You can also see a sketch I did of a tuk tuk. I am always amazed that these little carts can handle the cobblestone streets of Guatemala. I ended up walking everywhere so I didn't get a change to ride in one.
My heart goes out to everyone affected by the recent eruption of Volcan Fuego. While I was there I could see lava spurting out the top of the volcano
at night. I had no idea that is would erupt a few months later. A friend recently shared this link to this Guatemala Relief Fund if you are interested in donating.
If you would like to read the other posts about this trip here are the links:
